psychology relationships

10 ways To Release The Pain Of Loving Someone You Can’t Have

Being in love is one of the best feelings in the world. However, this great feeling that makes you feel butterflies in your tummy can turn into one of the most unbearable. As they say, love is that wild feeling that cannot be tamed. The heart wants what it wants even if it’s impossible to be with that person.

Pretty much everyone has at some point gone through this painful experience of loving someone they can’t have. A thousand songs have been composed about this, yet no one has been able to tame this rebellious feeling.

A study published in the Sage journals says ‘unrequited love is someone’s idea of a romantic love and not true love. The pursuit of unrequited love is a high-stakes gamble that often yields unsatisfactory results like embarrassment, failure, and lowered self-esteem.’

This form of love is common during one’s teenage years when young adults are setting out into the dating world. However, even seasoned relationship experts can experience the same intensity of rejection. So how do we release ourselves from this pain, least it destroys us?

“It’s hard to admit when you have fallen in love with someone who can’t be yours.” – Unknown

  1. Don’t deny the pain, give yourself time to grieve

Its all fair in love, there is no pros or amateurs. Falling in love with someone whom you can’t have is devastating. Instead of fighting it, give yourself time to grieve, not only for the person you lost but for the ideas, hopes and aspirations that never materialized.

Everything you felt for this person including the pain are real, normal and part of a healthy human response. You are likely to go through the grief of unrequited love more than once in life, but each time you come out better and wiser. Eventually, you will find someone who is deserving of the kind of love you give,

  • Protect your heart by not giving your all

If you are still chasing after this person even after rejection, chances of getting over them are getting harder. You might tell yourself that you will keep him/her as a platonic friend but it will only hurt more when you see them with another person.

The best thing is to get out with your dignity intact. Protect yourself and give boundaries. Don’t be too available for this person that you cannot have. When a time comes when you need them, chances are he/she won’t be available.

  • Avoid situations that will hurt you.

One way of protecting your heart is by avoiding situations that will trigger an emotional response. If you are not ready to face that person, it’s better to avoid situations that will only subject you to agony of seeing the person you love with the person that they love.

The best way of getting over your feelings for that person is by limiting your interactions with them. Try to

  • Stop checking his social media account.
  • Short of unfriending him, you can unfollow or hide him from your feed.
  • Don’t ask common friends about him.
  • Don’t be in places where you know you’ll run into him and his girl unless it’s unavoidable
  • Find a creative outlet to divert all that energy

The pain of loving someone can be unbearable. Instead of letting the negative vibe destroy you, channel that energy into positive and productive activities. A good hobby, will help keep your mind off the ideals of love running through your head.

Your heart might be crushed to tiny little pieces but you can divert your mind to focus on pursuing something that you’ve been planning to do.

  • Accept the situation and give up finding closure

Sometimes in life, the best choice is to accept the situation and let things be. If you focus on finding closure for every negative thing in life, you might be too fixated that you lose focus on the things that really matter.

It’s difficult to accept that the person you fell for is not into you. Naturally is only normal to look for hints of reciprocating feelings. Guess what? You won’t find any. Instead of beating yourself, choose to accept and move on with your life.

  • Look to your support system for comfort.

In times when you feel down, a solid group of friends can bring a positive vibe to your sad emotional state. They will empower you when you feel down.

 It is easy to slide into depression when you don’t have anyone to share your problems with.

  • Go out on a date

This might sound like the worst time to go out again, but after a rejection, you have a different outlook on life and your mind is less burdened.

You know that your life is crushed and you are not ready to get back out there, so this date is about having a good time and sample what life has to offer. Nevertheless, you might be lucky enough to find someone who’ll stay in your life for the long haul.

As someone said, love will find you when you least expect it.

  • Realize that it was not really worth it

According to psychologists Dr. Stephanie Newman and Dr. Valerie Golden via psychology today passionate sparks do fly in relationships that are illicit and forbidden. But what if he decided to pick you and make your relationship permanent? Chances are you could get cheated on too and you’d be in despair all over again.

Besides, if you are in love with someone who doesn’t bear similar feelings towards you, there is a chance he/she will hurt you in the long run. So why don’t you stay safe and avoid them in the first place.

  • Stop with the self-judgement

Feelings of shame, rejection and even guilt are normal reactions after loving someone whom you can’t b with. However, the first step towards healing is letting go of self-judgement. It’s the least you could do for yourself.

Practice self-care

In the middle trying to woo someone else, you have to give yourself some “me time”. This might help in bringing back the self confidence that was shattered when rejection and self-judgement set in.

final thoughts

When you’re down that road, it doesn’t seem like there is a future without that person. Bigger things still happen when you master the courage to let go of that person. That way, there will be space for a person that is more deserving of you.

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