One of the most empowering and healing experiences one can ever go through is learning how to understand and make peace with their childhood.
Children look up to their parents for support, nurturing, love and encouragement. When parents deny them these useful things children develop some behavior patterns, varied beliefs, and coping mechanisms to help them survive in these difficult environments. Growing on to adulthood some individuals adopt these mechanisms and frequently use them unknowingly.
Being the child of narcissistic father or mother mostly contributes to shamanic terminology as soul loss. The inability of contacting or experiencing our souls because of unresolved wounds, fear, and traumas accumulated over the years is soul loss.
To heal soul loss, the first step is willingness to explore things one went through as a child. The exploration of parent’s narcissistic action is not done to victimize yourself or condemn your parents. The exploration is done to help understand the main cause of the pain you still experience. Learning how to realize it and move on with life becomes a rejuvenating and strengthening process.
19 signs of your parents’ Narcissism
A Narcissistic father or mother teach their child to believe he/she is lazy and imbalanced when in reality the parent is at fault. This makes a child doubt themselves constantly and the feelings if any that you have for them.
Constant guilt you struggle with is another major sign that you were raised by a narcissist. Suspicions of something being ‘’off’’ with your parents might be there but you feel ashamed by the gut feeling and instead, you beat yourself up.
The following information will clear your mind because there is a good reason why you have landed upon this article.
Note that two kinds of narcissists exist:
- Engulfing Narcissists- some parents see an extension of themselves in their children, engulfing narcissistic parents are extremely involved in your life. They never acknowledge you as a separate individual and do not respect your boundaries.
- Ignoring Narcissists- these parents have very little interests in their children. The ignoring narcissists see the boundary between their children and themselves clearly. The results is parents with no interest in their children and neglect to care for them.
Here are 15 Major signs.
1. They tried to control your thought codependency.
These are parents who told you, “don’t leave. I need you. I can’t live without you.” Establishing independent priorities or living an autonomous life was made impossible because of parent/s needs.
2. They laid on the guilt thick
This is a method where parents get what they want by guilt trapping you. They tell you, “I have done so much for you, I have sacrificed everything for you”. This made you feel indebted as if you owed them total obedience.
3. They only love you when you did what they wanted.
Your Parent/s withdrew love when you didn’t do what they wanted, they punish you or give you the silent treatment. You get the impression that you get loved when you prove your worth.
4. They liked to “get even” with you
They always punished you when you did a thing against their will. Getting even might have been very obvious or subtle like they sabotage something you cared about, hid something to get back to you or break something.
5. They never respect your boundaries
Your parents went through your private belongings without thinking and at times used what they found against you, there was no private space for you while growing up.
6. They competed with you
They took something nice from you or got a better one just to out-do you.
7. They “owned” your accomplishments.
Your parents jumped in and shifted attention to them anytime someone complimented your achievements, they steal the spotlight from you every time.
8. They constantly lied to you.
Lies were for manipulating, taking advantage and controlling you. Knowing if what you trust was real or your parent/s were setting up a trap.
9. They never listened to you (or cared) about your feelings.
You never shared your feelings with your parents because you felt they would make fun of you or they will talk about themselves. Your issues as a child were spun into a pity party for not you but them.
10. They constantly insulted you.
Constant demeaning, berating and harassment by your parent/s even touching on your insecurities using them to humiliate you.
11. They exerted explicit control over you.
Any disobedience was punished including physical abuse emotional blackmail, biting or hitting. The message was, “obey or I will punish you.”
12. They gaslighted you.
Gaslighting is a physiological manipulation method, parents intentionally make you feel crazy or make you doubt your sanity to gain higher grounds. This brought self-doubt in your past and present life.
13. They “parentified” you.
Parenting your parents was expected from you or they expected you to behave like a surrogate parent and cater for them when they are expected to cater for you.
14. They have a “favorite” or “golden” child.
Your parents saw on a child as perfectly capable of no harm while the others were seen as the black sheep and cause of all trouble, switching these roles was frequently done.
15. They reacted intensely to any form of criticism.
If your parents were narcissist they reacted extremely, they screamed and maybe hurt you whenever you criticized them.
How to know you’re the child of a Narcissist
The symptoms above might have left you unsure on how your parents can be defined The signs couldn’t all be exhibited by you narcissistic father/mother (but if they did, pay attention).
You might struggle with these problems if you’re the child of a narcissist.
- Codependency in other relationships
- Weak sense of self
- Poor interpersonal boundaries and inability to say “no”
- Chronic guilt or shame
- Trust issues
- Inability to express or handle emotions
- Anxiety or depression